Entirely Adequate

I was positively stoked my first year in Huntsville when I discovered that the local Publix carried king cakes. Having spent the last 10 years in Mobile, I expected the days leading up to Mardi Gras to involve at least a couple pieces of this delicacy, which is pretty much a giant cinnamon roll covered in colored icing and sugar.

The king cake carries with it a great responsibility: Whoever gets the tiny plastic baby hidden inside is obligated to buy the next cake.

Upon opening the box for this year’s king cake, I discovered what has to be the biggest plastic baby in the history of king cakes. It’s probably three times the size of a normal plastic baby.

Obviously, some chowhound either chipped a tooth or choked on a tiny plastic baby in the last few years, causing corporate lawyers to advise Publix to go for the big-boned, more easily discovered plastic babies. And there’s the rub: How do you hide a plastic baby that’s the size of a dessert fork in a piece of cinnamon roll?

No common sense, corporate policy run amok, blah blah blah. The best part of this post was going to be the awesome photo juxtaposing the emergency backup king-cake baby (yes, I have backup king-cake babies) and the family-size king-cake baby. Unfortunately, I had forgotten how nearly impossible it is to take a good picture of these oddities.

Several years ago, while helping co-workers plan a Mardi Gras photo shoot, we got the bright idea to spread a ton of king-cake babies out as a backdrop. Turns out a couple hundred king-cake babies make for a scene that really tests the definition of creepy. Plus, their pale pink, shiny surfaces makes them a chore to properly light.

So I have no idea that you can even see how ridiculous this humongous king-cake baby is. But at least you know where to find a few tiny king-cake babies if you need them.